To write in English or not.. I’ve made a few posts in Swedish now even though I mentioned some posts ago that I would write in English. It all of a sudden felt natural to write in Swedish, just as it now feels natural to write in English. What do you prefer? Does it matter to you? Please let me know in the comments! I write both for me and for you, so let’s try and make the best of it.
The important thing, however, is that we do things with connection. That, in this case, I do things with a feeling of connection. Connection to my heart and to my guts (well, a little brain won’t hurt either). For me, how things are done is not so important, as long as it feels true to my heart. May it take a long time, shortcuts, detours, new decisions – somehow when I tune in to myself and my feelings, I can feel that I’m on the right or wrong track. This has taken, and still takes, a lot of practice. Practice seeing, for example: what is a stimulus and what is my reaction to it (and not mix up the two)? What do I choose or not choose to do with the said reaction? How do I choose to show up to the next, fresh moment? Do I cling to the past or am I lost in fantasies about the future? Am I really here, consciously aware of This Is It? This, right here, is my life, and this life is the only “thing” I’ve got.
I feel lost, confused, and distraught when I lose touch with this. I feel lonely even though I am not necessarily alone. I feel like I am supposed to be or do something else than this. I feel icky, itchy, and restless. Certainly not at ease. This place, uncomfortable as it might be, is so important. Can you stay in this place without having to fix it? I promise you a next, different moment will come. Nothing lasts forever (even though those bad days may very well seem forever long). Can you, even for a moment, stay and hug (oh well) all of your fixing ideas that just want to try and save you from a past you (hopefully) no longer need to be saved from? Can you bear the anxiety? Can you acknowledge your inner workings?
What would be the point of this, “hugging your old strategies”? If we never pause to reflect on what we are actually doing, we will never learn to do something different. If we are too afraid to stay and see that there is no monster in the closet, only a hurt child who longs to be seen, held, and loved, we will keep running. We will run, run, run – to the next project, the next relationship, or even run from ourselves in our own minds even though we are seemingly in the same place. One fundamental kind of love that we need is the love from ourselves saying “yes, I see me, and it makes sense that I need this and not that” – validate our own experience and then move to help ourselves to the best of our abilities. Then, in a wider scope of things: to help yourself is crucial to be able to help others.
Stepping through the fire is not for the faint-hearted. I bow down in deep respect to all of you who do the work, who are even curious about doing the work. We all need a bit of work, so we all can get a little more connection. Or should I perhaps call connection by its true name? Love.
